Small

It’s been quite a wild couple of months here in this little world of ours here in Laughing Divas/Laura Kowalski land. Big changes and finding new ways of thinking and doing. Never a dull moment in the first place, but especially now … things are hopping. And when you have big change going on, it can take a lot of time, effort, and energy. Have you ever been there?

I am SURE that you have. When you move house, for example, the actual act of moving may be one or two days, but the whole event may take 4-6 months of work at least, and that may not even include planning time. Choosing a new place, getting things sorted so they can be packed, moving, unpacking, getting settled, and then making the most of the move. It’s a lot isn’t it? It FEELS like a lot.

During times like this friends and “extra” things tend to fall by the wayside. We are “too busy” … for leisure, dinners to linger over, for others’ issues, for focusing on anything but what seems so huge in front of us, sometimes even to be considerate or polite. Because that’s what it feels like, isn’t it? Like “the change” is HUGE, hard to see around, something dominating our world. And it’s big and important. We may try to make an effort to get out and see others’, but inevitably our world gets incredibly centered on us.

OVER-centered on us, even if we meditate and breathe and remind ourselves not to do it.

It’s especially at times like this that I love to take quick trips into nature, preferably a national park or someplace BIG to remind of how small not only my problems and projects are, but how small I am. Which is exactly how I found my way to the Garden of The Gods the other week.

It’s awfully hard to hold on to your ego and all your %*$# when you are standing next to a rock that is millions of years old towering above you so you feel as tiny as an insect, or trees that have seen more than you will ever be able to imagine. Looking up at these amazing formations, you realize that you matter and you are important, but you are little in this world. The world goes on…it has for a long time, and it will no matter what you do. What you “knew” was big, is tiny. What you thought was immovable is almost laughably insignificant. What you considered to be your whole world is only a quick blip on the scale of all things.

And I have to say, what a relief.

It’s such a wonderful feeling. Especially in the middle of what you consider a “long” project, or one that is “too difficult.” Such a great perspective to know I count, but there is SO much more than me.

If you don’t know, The Garden of The Gods is in Colorado Springs. That’s right: in it, not kind-of-sort-of around it, but in it. Huge slabs of rock rise up into the sky dramatically and form a cathedral like no other. A private landowner’s family left it to the city and provided this escape with incredible views that include the valley floor and Pike’s Peak. When you are there, you feel like you are in a national park, it’s THAT awe inspiring. But you aren’t … you are just off to the side of a busy city. I love that it’s a place that is easy to get to and simple  to drive through. You are never alone there because of the proximity to town and given the amazing rock climbing opportunities it offers there are always groups scaling the sides.

Usually that would make me nuts, but not there. It’s so nice to be able to get into the park area quickly (Rocky Mountain National Park is not far away, but you have to really take some time to get there and then BE there) and the rock formations humble you so quickly, you don’t mind the others being around.

I know not everyone has the luxury of having a Garden of The Gods out their back door, but America being as amazing as she is, chances are you have something right near you – a forest, a park, a river, a desert – that you can get to easily to help you remember your true size. And what a gift that is.

Take advantage of it. Gain perspective. Sit in awe. Feel how small you are and revel in that.

Much love,

Laura

Bob Proctor’s Six Minutes to Success

If you have spent any time reading or studying in the self-help field at all, chances are you have run into Bob Proctor on more than one occasion. Whether it’s his books, his lectures, his videos, his classes, or his students who are out there leading the way in the self-help world (like Gina Mollicone Long, Sonia Ricotti, James Ray, Brian Tracy, John Assaraf) Bob Proctor is everywhere in that industry. And with good reason: he is a dedicated teacher who has found a truth, made it work by being exact, and brought into being hundreds of amazing accomplishments.

Indeed, it seems whenever I find a person that brings me value, teaches me exceptional ways of working in this world, helps my thinking…I find that at some point in time, Bob Proctor has been their teacher and changed their life. When you see that over and over again – a man behind almost everyone’s scene – you HAVE to sit up and take notice. If you are like me, you want to run right to the source and drink deeply of that knowledge.

So I ran … and I have stayed drinking at that well for a long time. This water is soooo good, pretty sure I am never going to leave.

Bob has been around for a long time, and is so devoted to the idea of teaching others success, I can hardly imagine him having a conversation about anything else. I have, in fact, never heard him have a conversation that doesn’t end up being about success and your thinking. I have seen him speak on many occasions, and studied with him in almost every way imaginable and I have never seen him off his game, nor trying to create something new that’s his own. He just wants to teach true success. And he does.

He read “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill in the 60′s – followed the suggestions – and it turned his life around. He then committed his life to the ceaseless study of success with the intention of understanding it and sharing it. Which is exactly what he’s done and continues to do. Hooray!

That’s one of the things I love about Bob: when you spend time with him in any way, you are getting it from someone who reeeeally knows what they are talking about. That’s years and years and years worth of knowledge and experience (I don’t think Bob would mind me pointing out that he is no spring chicken.) He walks his talk … he lives his life as he teaches. He’s taught it to his family, and it’s changed THEIR lives. His friends, his coworkers, his businesses are all using these principles. I like to see that, too.

He’s been doing this for over 40 years and it’s such an unfailing study and application, one might get to thinking Bob WROTE the laws he talks about, but he’ll be the first to tell you that he has license to brag because he created NONE of it. While I appreciate innovation, I so value that he will study one concept repeatedly (repetition is the first law of learning) and boil down the truth out of a matter, out of a book, out of a line of study, and share it with such clarity and simplicity there is no way to listen, obey, and fail.

As an intuitive, I also must notice and mention that what Bob teaches and talks about rings true, feels true, and is true. Again, he didn’t create any of it, he has distilled a great amount of learning to simple concepts and shares them. Whenever people are listening and learning to new ideas, I ask them to stop a moment and see how it sits with them – literally. Does it feel true? That will have a resonance in your body deep down that has nothing to do with your brain, your head, your shoulders, etc. A lot of the stuff out there in the self-help world doesn’t sit well, doesn’t feel right. Bob’s teachings always ring true.

I study this work every day. I do mean EVERY day … and it’s not because I am a slow learner. I study it deeply and take it in. It’s simple stuff, really, but it is not easy. It takes time, a strong desire, a willingness to be honest, and to surrender to change in yourself. Bob has been been my secret weapon in this world for a long time now, and I cannot recommend highly enough that he become yours as well.

He’s made a few little videos to reach out to people, and I thought today I would start with this short (9 minutes) video to introduce a couple of his most basic ideas. It’s very introductory, but it gives you a great idea of the vitality, the passion, and the ideas that Bob Proctor brings to people’s lives. He discusses that if you know where you want to go, and can make the decision that you will get there, then you never – I mean NEVER – need to spend even 5 seconds thinking about the “how.” That’s foreign to most people. That’s crazy talk to many. But that is what Bob can do that no one else – and I have studied hundreds of people – has been able to do. It’s what makes him amazing. He can teach you how to change your thinking. Truly. Permanently. For the way you want go. Once you are thinking clearly, you are unstoppable. For achievement is never about conquering anything but the limitations we have in our mind.

Check it out here https://sixminutes.infusionsoft.com/go/life/laurakk (affiliate link) to see what you think. I will tell you that he is not what you expect, but his teachings can make a bigger difference in the lives of you, your friends, your co-workers, than a handful of the best teachers combined.

A little while back (in Bob-time) Proctor created a way to study with him in the briefest but most effective of ways – a little video to watch each day that is two minutes long, and then you spend 4 minutes thinking about it. It is a great little idea that makes a major difference, and one that’s worth doing. This is about changing habits after all. It’s called Six Minutes to Success, and it is the perfect stepping stone into changing your thinking. Or maybe of thinking at all. But i will talk about that, in a later blog.

until then …

Much love,

Laura

Giver’s Gain vs. Giving to Get

I slipped the other day and fell flat on my back. Not physically. Worse: in my mental game. And, once you have been around the block a few times, you begin to realize that the mental game is all that there is, really. So those kind of falls tend to get your attention the most. As I was gasping for breath staring up at the ceiling, I can honestly say that my mental patterns had my undivided attention.

As I was lying there realizing that despite years of hard work and quantum leaping in leaving behind old patterns, I had mired myself in one of my oldest patterns I posses, I felt completely humbled. It ended up taking me two days, four people, and some intense thinking to get out of that one (thanks to those who pushed and pulled ’til I could breathe again) all triggered from a short conversation I had that maybe lasted 3 minutes.

I had tried shifting the mental pattern myself: meditating and reading and visualizing and listening to CDs I had, but it was making me go deeper into it, not change it. I called a friend, and heard myself saying in frustration “I spent all this time sitting and meditating, things ought to have shifted by now!!! Why is this situation exactly the same?? ” Oh boy. Flags were thrown all over the field on that one.

I had slipped into the great confusion for a moment … getting mixed up that giving and trading are the same thing. What is so classic about that is that giving unconditionally is considered one of my specialties. “I should be beyond that, I thought to myself. But here I am.” I had fallen into the thinking that is so common, which is that if I give something (time, energy, passion, love) I should not only get something back of equal value, but that it should happen right away. I meditated, I should have peace! I visualized, I should have my goal! I was grateful for an hour, my world should improve.

I hope you can hear me laughing at myself over the pure hilarity of it all.

I had slipped for a moment and had been giving to get. Maybe you don’t see meditating or sitting in gratitude as giving, but how you are being and what you carry around with you effects the people you touch and interact with. Walking around with a chip on your shoulder gives those in your world a case of the nasties as much as walking around with love and gratitude in your heart opens up new worlds for those you touch. So watching your energy and your innermost thoughts and keeping them in the highest possible place is a real gift to the world. Not that it is the totality of what you need to give, but it is the strong foundation.

I was giving to get, instead of living giver’s gain … giving to give and gain by virtue of the way it makes me feel. [But you wouldn't know about mistakes like that, my friend now would you? ] I know this can be a tricky thing to navigate, especially when daily life sets things like deadlines, and we slip into the illusion that resources like time, money, and energy are scarce, so I wanted to mention it to you, to help you shift it, if you yourself find this an issue today.

I slipped into fear, which used to be an old pattern and old habit of mine. I let a button get pushed, got scared for a minute, and the result was noticeable. It was a great reminder that yes we can change a lot and relatively quickly, but no matter how far you get, change is still a process, still an evolution, still a walk that needs to be taken daily.

At also was a reminder about the difference between giving to give and giving to get.

While it is absolutely true that you really must – to achieve any happiness at all – give for giving’s sake, and not with the expectation of  getting something back from the person or place you are giving to, there is nothing wrong with expecting a return from SOMEWHERE when you give. And this return is always happiness and gratitude if not physical things as well. In fact, it is a great practice to use to assess if you are giving enough value to the world. Feel like you are giving, giving, giving, and empty at the end of the day? A great indication to fuel yourself more, begin to give differently. Spend your day giving what you consider valuable, but struggle for your own needs? A great time to assess how much true value you are giving to others.

But at the end of the day giving must be giving. Not trading. Not about what you will get out of it, if there is anything you are expecting aside from joy. Giving, in order to really be giving, is service. It’s without expectation of return, of compensation, of anything at all. Except the good good good feeling it causes to give. And when you notice that your source, your motivation is off, then stop. Stop and go find someone stronger and smarter and clearer than you in that moment and say “help me up, help me out, please.”

And at some point, EVERYONE will need to ask for help.

The help will work, if it comes with love. Beating yourself up because you slipped and fell (a specialty of mine, or it has been in the past) will keep you out of harmony longer than is needed. Being chastised by self and others won’t do it at all. But a gentle tap on the shoulder, a touch to the hand, a smile, saying “hey … remember how we realized that didn’t work? That doesn’t serve? And we know what does, so we are doing it the new way now. Remember?” Now that will always work, and work quickly.

So I hope that helps you today. As you walk this world and know you are always among friends, and making great progress. Acknowledge where you are at. Love it right there. Love YOU right there. And then go where you really want to. With gratitude. Giving with open hands. With love.

Go do big stuff!

Much love, Laura

Your Voice

It’s been a long time since I let myself write here.

It’s not that life got in the way. It’s not that I was too busy. My kids were healthy, my mind working, my computer available. But still I didn’t write.

I had my reasons. They were sound and prudent. Sensible even. But causes and reasons aside, the net effect was that I lost my voice.

At first I pretended it didn’t really cost me anything, and didn’t effect others in any way of consequence. Somehow, despite the fact that the written word has changed my life in astounding ways, I was willing to disqualify it as vital.

Sometimes, that is how it goes. Sometimes self talk and self preservation get really interesting.

So, as I wander through the hems and haws and adjustment of using vocal chords that haven’t had the benefit of exercise in a long time, I wanted to say thanks for showing up. I appreciate you being here. Being willing to walk with me again on this part of the path. I look forward to being together and hearing from you as well as helping you through sharing my story.

In the end being heard is one of the most valuable gifts we can give to others and to ourselves. Putting our voice to paper is giftwrapping it for it to go further than you could carry it on your own.

Here’s to hearing your voice.

When did we stop drawing?

I spent some great time with my kids this past week. My boys are 10 and almost-8 (an actual age) and so they are rarely still let alone bored, but we had to do some long-car-trip time this week, so stillness happened and boredom set in, as it often does to those who must move their bodies to move their minds.

I did what I always do … gave them a book to lean on, a bunch of white paper, and a ton of crayons and then left them alone. They knew what to do. Occasional questions at first asking what to draw, but then silence for long periods as they drew entire stories out and got more and more elaborate.

They showed me each one, and I would review it with a practiced eye. I always comment on what I see, not on what I like, because there is always something to like, and it isn’t about me liking, but about them expressing. So I observe. “I see you have this color here, and a big swoop, and a lot of little lines there. Very nice!”

And on they draw.

They never say “I can’t! I don’t know how! I am not good enough!” or anything like that. Sometimes they ask “Mom, how do you draw a … (fill in the blank)?” and sometimes they get frustrated with exactly how it is looking, but they keep drawing. They always draw. They draw everything they can think of…how they feel, what they dreamt, what they see, what they like, a book they read. It is a normal part of the day. They draw in church, in cars, in restaurants, and anywhere else they sit still. I keep paper and pen in my purse and they reach for it at will.

All kids do this when little.

When did we stop?  I hear adults saying all the time “I can’t draw. Oh no, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” When did we start believing that? I feel so sad … for them and for us. Think of how much we miss out on in our lives by skipping the pictures. The good parts. How much they can’t tell other people because they are afraid of their pictures, their souls being judged. How much we don’t know about others because we cannot see their stories that have no words.

I love words, I love books. I eat them up. But I flip for pictures. We all do. So when did it become acceptable to start saying “I can’t” instead of drawing about our world?

I don’t think it is acceptable, so I don’t accept it. I encourage drawing from all of my friends … insist on it and ignore their protests completely. Pen in hand, what I notice is that, after they break through fear of judgement (that never comes) they have FUN.

So your mission this week … draw. Draw whatever, whenever, and however, but draw. Draw alone and with friends and with your pets. It is good. It is beautiful, and you did it right. Go create!

Paddleboats are Underrated

Last week my kids and I took a paddleboat out in the lake. Now Lake Erie is a BIG place to be, and the weather is certainly not so sunny and hot that you would use any excuse to get out there, so I admit the idea of going onto that huge mass of water in a slow little floater didn’t really thrill me. But it wasn’t about me, it was about them, so in we got and off we went.

The breeze was not too bad when we started. Enough to make small (very small) waves in the water and be constant. We set a goal, going into the wind at the beginning, and we were off.

But not quickly.

In fact, it felt like we were going nowhere, and it certainly was taking effort. Quite a lot of effort actually. Now I was loving the company of course, so the trip was worth it right there. We were dressed for the wind, and we actually got hot with all the paddling we were doing. I was appreciating the workout since I hadn’t had a chance to start up my cycling yet for the season. So it was great …

… except we didn’t seem to move.

It was starting to wear on us. We made jokes and games of the “waves”, but really we were tired and it seemed time to turn around, even though we felt like we had gone nowhere. The kids joked about going to Canada when we first began, but 30 minutes into it, that didn’t seem funny, just tiring. So we turned around and headed back, feeling sort of like we hadn’t done what we wanted to do.

Which is when we realized exactly how much we had accomplished.

Looking out on to the horizon of a vast lake, we seemed to go nowhere, but turning to the shore, we saw how far out we were and that the house we started from was really quite far away. Suddenly, we were energized and felt great about what we did. We began paddling, with the wind at our back this time, and made it back in short time. Later, around the dinner table, it made a great story of adventure about the day.

It was a great experience, that paddleboat. I would never have chosen it as my vehicle of choice, but I was so glad that I was simply there in service to others. I got to have a more fun and personal time with my boys than we would have had in a faster vehicle, and I got to appreciate looking back as a great measure forward motion.

Now I know that may sound obvious, but I have to confess I am one of those “ahead” people. My focus on staying present is mainly trying to get me to stop looking ahead. Behind rarely occurs to me. So it was a great treasure to turn and see how much I had gained.

And I thought about how much life is feeling like that a lot lately, to me and to others I talk to. In a boat that seemed too slow and wrong for the huge place it was going. A lot of effort, and not really the sense of progress, even if you love who you are with and the time together. And once again, I appreciated how great it is that I am not in charge of the universe. That I simply trust the intuition I have – to get in and go on and be present in love – and let the rest get taken care of. it serves me well on every trip I take.

Color Comes

Spring is such a delicious time to us, as color comes back into the natural world. The greens of trees and grass and plants have so much yellow in them, they are truly “new.” The reds of the tulips are a vibrant level that cannot be matched in late season reds. Purples and pinks jump into trees and everytime I turn around, I gasp. Truly. What design, what perfect proportion, what stunning and bold strokes. I love the gray days more than the sunny ones now, as the contrast it gives when color gazing is extraordinary.

The color we find in Spring is temporary. The colors can’t hold that intense newness, the strong vibrance. That unique power that comes through cannot be held for even the length of the summer. That is why it is such a treasure to get out in the spring. Not just to move about and shift our bodies and minds, as if that weren’t enough, but to really really drink in this totally different level of intensity found at no other time of the year.

And this is why we so rarely use spring colors, true spring colors, for anything but children. Children’s rooms and clothes easily pull off a yellow green or a pink or a light blue. The vibrance of a child is the only thing that is similar to the vibrance of spring: new life in them both.

I invite you to watch the energy of color, the strength and power behind it, and see what people it brings to mind. Use this to decorate your house, dress yourself, and paint pictures. Use the vibrancy of color beyond simply the color and hue itself, and find new depth in old places.

Much love, Laura

Speed is overrated

Spring is coming at different speeds all over the country as the travels I have had over the past month have shown me. In the mountains of Colorado, Spring looks  a lot like winter most days, but the sun is a little stronger and the air a little warmer on those moments when the snow stops. In the metro DC area there is warm warm weather, color everywhere, a delightful smell of flowers, and rain. In Northern Pennsylvania, the tulips are braving their way up, some days greeted by sun, others by snow flurries. The one thing all these places have in common is the intense desire of the inhabitants to have winter over …NOW.

There is nothing like speed is there?

Or is there?

We always think we want things to happen fast, happen immediately, right now. We want the snow to end, the warmth to come, the flowers out … in one day. It does happen. We have all experienced it, and walk around saying “wow! how great! Isn’t this fantastic?!” And it does feel good in the instant. And then within a day we start saying “Now I need to get the bikes out..and cleaned, and tuned. I wasn’t ready. It’s going to take a bit.” or “I got rid of the patio furniture last fall and I have none now. I really want to find the perfect sized set that fits my budget. It’s going to be a search.” and “the gardens had a rougher winter than I realized, I really want to get them all set and make them brighter this year but needing less care. It is going to be a project!”

The point is, everything is a process, and we NEED it to be that way. It is fun to have the odd hot day right after snow to jump start warm weather , but we need the gradual warming that Spring brings us. We need the time to adjust and be fully ready. We need Spring so our bodies can be ready for summer. A nice gradual shift. We can use this time to clean out our bodies with cleanses and our houses of things that no longer fit our energy and our needs.

It would be nice to win the lottery … to make money right NOW … but then you would not have learned how to invest, handle money, and what exact direction to go with it. It would be nice if the house was clean this INSTANT, you daydream, but then you wouldn’t have a chance to sort out the stuff you have and treasure the things you keep. It would be great, you think, if business would be stronger immediately, but then you wouldn’t have a chance to strengthen the relationships you have right now.

The timing of the universe may not be what we would pick given our druthers, but it is in our best interest, if we can take a breath and appreciate it. And that is, of course, why we are not in charge of the universe, but the universe is in charge of us.

Much love,

laura

Intuition for the Every One

I recently did an interview on LA Talk Radio about intuition. Here is the link to the MP3 for your pleasure. I hope it is helpful to you. Let me know what you think!

 

http://www.latalkradio.com/images/Speaking-080509.mp3

Does It Feel Calm?

“How do I know,” she asked, “if that voice I am hearing is a real knowing, a voice to be trusted, or just chatter, just talking?” Her eyes looked at me, filled with confusion as she sat in front of me, hands open as if I held the answer like an object and could just place it there .

I thought of the best way to explain it. I get asked this question probably more than any other about intuition, so I have answered it hundreds of times. I certainly know the answer, but I also see a look of disappointment on people’s faces when they hear it. 

They want the answer to be something like “true intuitive answers are spoken in the voice of James Earl Jones and accompanied by a slight mist on the ground and a soft light all over. There may or may not be music in the background.” (laugh) I am exaggerating of course, but not very much. Our daily lives here in the West have gotten us used to fanfare and drama, and an idea that intuition and connecting to spirit  - because it is magical – includes special effects.

Well a connection to Spirit is magical and it is special, and certainly worthy of attention and discussion, but not in the Hollywood sense. So let me tell you what you can look for to see if this is ego faking you out, or your intuition piping up. 

We all have an inner guidance system, a factory installed GPS, as a fantastic way to get us around this world, this life. Every single one of us has it. We have all had an experience with our intuition guiding us.

Sometimes it is as simple as “having an idea” about who is going to call, or thinking of someone before running into them the next day at the grocery store. Other times it is a deep deep gut feeling that tells you you HAVE TO do something, or avoid something. Regardless, it is the same system at work, a guidance system that is connected to you and to Spirit, to the Universe at large. A knowing “for no particular reason.”

One clue that the “voice” you are hearing is your intuition is truly an inner knowing, is how it FEELS. How do the words feel in your body when you repeat them aloud? And WHERE do you feel them? Do you feel them in your head or you shoulders, does your attention go there? Then it is likely from ego, not intuition. Do you become aware of your stomach, or your heart when saying the words aloud? Does it actually FEEL GOOD? Intuition is speaking clearly.

Good means good, but that may not mean “common”, “normal”, “usual”, or what you are used to feeling. But it will feel good: sometimes “Warm” or “soft” and it will feel “calm.” This is truly what matters. 

When we are out of practice with feeling our way through the world, this may take a little time to get familiar with. But this is how you used to live. So it is really just a matter of remembering, not learning. 

When you were a child you lived on how things made you feel, and it helped you stay safe as well as grow in amazing ways on all fronts. You liked a person because of how they felt to you, you did things because they felt good, you avoided things that made your stomach and your heart hurt. 

So do not expect fanfare, but look for the feeling. Remember that even though it is exciting when your intuition is clear and when Spirit talks, it will feel calm and right to you, if you take the time to tune in to your own body.

 

Much love, 

Laura